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when i was younger, i had wanted to become a doctor, or at least in the medical field. at one point in my life, genetic engineering had been one of my biggest interest. i thought that it was one of the biggest breakthrough in the field of medicine.

During my medical students days, initially , during the preclinical years, life was pretty much enclosed in the lecture halls , occasionally to the dissection room and the laboratory.

Those were the days when minitests were the biggest thing. it's either you fail or pass..and the thought of negative markings put the shivers on you. The fact that your name would be pasted on the hallways for others to see , sort of makes you a bit distressed if you do fail.

Most of the time it's reading..reading..remembering anatomy parts/microbiology stuff and what nots..understanding physiology and so on..
i especially get confused and tongue tied trying to remember the courses of the arteries and nerves..from the inferior vena cava/superior mesenteric arteries/the radial nerve course and such
and who could forget the elusive bacterias and viruses...e.coli/klebsiella/mycoplasma..treponema pallidum..

The preclinical days ends with THE PROFESSIONAL EXAM I..it's like SPM all over again..
i still remember those days..every one had study group at the time
i had enjoyed my study group very much -- headed by nurulhuda/nadd/shamina..the foursome
I could still remember all those jitters..those palpitations..

Then off we went to the clinical years where the real life began (haha..not so much.., it seems now)..my 3rd year started off with paediatrics posting - where we were whisked off to hospital temerloh..it was a very amazing hospital..the doctors were very welcoming..but the ride from kuantan to temerloh was a bit tiring since we had to travel every week..

even though paeds were interesting, but at the time i had liked surgery - probably because of the docs..i'm not sure..or was it because i found my study partner during the posting which became one of my best friend til now..

the years gone by so fast, it seems..lo and behold , 5 years had passed by since i started my medical degress and now i have been working as a houseman for almost 8 months..with salary..hehe..

All i can say is that working a new doctor is not at all a pleasure, honestly to say..it's very demanding and there is numerous pressure from all sides..the patietns, the nurses,..and your superiors..
You are expected to work and fast and PERFECT...For every thing wrong that you do, you will be scrutinized..by all people - and they will talk behind your back and they will label you..

i dont think that medical schools have really prepared for new doctors to face the actual challenges . There are so many new things that we have to encounter that would just leave you clueless as how to accomplish the job. but the thing is, you just gotta do it, regardless ..,even though you are on your first day on the job.

this is my second posting and hopefully i will end my obstetrics and gynaecology posting next month , by feb 28..doakan for me please..
this posting has been really demanding..and horrifying, to say the least..

The thing is, you're in charge of two lives - both the mother and the baby..
since recently, the cases of babies being delivered in not so good conidtion, has saddened me., especially when you're a bit involved in the the cases. even though your'e not the actual cause..but you have been involved with the patient..

i am currently posted in the gynaecological ward - whereby i'm also involved in the Intensive care unit (ICU). there was only one ICUpatient for O&G - dengan izin Allah , The patient had died leaving behind one baby and 2 other child

when we had to break the news to the patient, he was very strong and tried to be tough with it..but in the end, he started crying and wanted to be left alone..i was very touched and saddened by thewhole affair..

as doctors, we have to put on an understanding face and empathize with the patient..but i am not like that , i'm afraid. whenever i have to break the news to some patients, sometimes, i too would cry with them..which is unprofessional, to say the least..but as my roommates know, i cry easily, especially during sad scenarios..

most of the time, i do feel that this career is not suitable for me..but it is the most 'human " job..it deals with human - their sickness,feelings and families..but unfortunately, it can also be a very inhumane profession..sometimes, your heart can harden to the extent that you are unable to empathize with the patients..especially during oncalls when you are so tired..

to the medical students...life as doctors are a far cry from the medical students...the responsibility is much greater and the demand of the work are so much higher...

Be prepared as to work every single day, except for the days that you are allocated to..forget about the cuti raya and all those public holidays..and you will appreciate sleep very much after you have started working.. for those who are invovled with usrah and such..be prepared as to skip allthose as someitmes the oncalls clashes..and it is very important to have support..good support team is very crucial..there will be times when you feel so depress and that anytime that you will want to quit the job..or do other worse things...

The most important thing is to Doa to Allah..doa that everything will be okay..that the outcome of the patients will be alright..that your surperiors would like you..that it will be that be busy..that you can handle things..always..always...doa to Allah...