I wonder HOw..

Sometimes i wonder, whether we are really committed to our work?As the days pass by, a sad realization befalls me..in truth, do we really care what we do? Do we do things out of the feeling of compassion to others?

Why do you want to become who you are right now? How many of us chose our profession because of the values behind it?

I initially thought i had wanted to become a doctor because i wanted to help people...But in reality, I cannot say the same as of now. It the sad truth,unfortunately. We have become trapped in the system, that focuses more on the "medical aspect" , instead of taking care of patient as a whole.

As a houseman, I have to get to thehospital early, as to prepare for the morning rounds with the medical officers and specialist..Yes, unfortunately, that is the reason why many of us came to the hospital eraly..it's not really for the patient,per se, it's more because we have to save ourselves from the grueling remarks that would be made by our superiors.

Thus, in the wee morning, the patients would be waken up early and drilled by the lifeless questions that we ask - the usual , same old questoin;;;...macamna encik/puan hari ni? ada sakit lagi? la la la...

Then, comes the rounds, where we present and at the same time get fired by our superiors..

I dont' know whether us housemen really understand what the problems the patients are facing really..or worse, whether we really care..but that's the point of the matter..

And this is the real issue that's happening right now..I wish instead, that the environment at the hospital is more towards patient oriented --..The thing is, I cannot really blame the doctors per se..because the current situation as of now also do not cater much comfort to the doctors.

Thus, we are caught in the middle. BEcause, in order to create a healthy environemtn in the hospital, we have to ensure both parties are taken care of. You cannot simply just accuse the doctors whereby you yourself do not know how much stress doctors are pressed upon.

Do you know how it feels to constantly work - for much more working time than we have with our family .. For instance, during myposting in O&G, i had about 9 times oncalls per month, which is equivalent to more than half of the month is spent in hospital. During oncalls, most of the time , you are stuck int he ward, without having the privilege to get out and get some fresh air. You work more than 30 hours nonstop, sometimes, if you're unlucky, without a wink of sleep the night before. You have to be in charge of more than 3 wards in one night - equivalent to about 100 patient that particularnight. If anything goes wrong, you are the one in charge.

Last night I had my oncall, my 2nd oncall in orthopaedics. One of my patient, suddenly complained of abdominal pain. I attended to her immediately, as her condition concerned me so. Within minutes, she had started to vomit out dark red blood vomitus. One kidney dish full. I had panicked. I was alone at the time. I continued to let her vomit, putting her in one side, as to not allow for aspiration. I called out for help and immediately alerted my Medical officer after checking her general condition. We had decided to refer to surgical , and they also attended urgently. Urgent endoscopy was decided and off we went to procedure room. The patient was not cooperative and kept on saying that she prefers to go home and seek traditional medication. Yet, she had consented for the endoscopy. She had fought a bit during the procedure but we maanged to do it.

But as the procedure was being done, I stared at the patient intently, trying to imagine what if she was my own siblings? would i allow this kind of treatmetn, whereby we had to actually force a bti the patient..Would I be taken aback if this was made to me or my relatives?

But as a doctor, i know that this is necessary and needs to be done..

Along the way, we do see many kind of injustice..and to me a lot of things need to be mended in the current system..

We need to be committed and have a sense of responsibility... There is a need to change the way doctors and patients are being treated ...