Wednesday, September 2, 2009

Subhanallah


Hajat yang tidak kesampaian




Aku buntu..Diselubungi perasaan yang teramat sedih. Salah seorang pesakit ku akan bakal meninggalkan daku. Sudah hampir 2 minggu dia berada di katil itu, setia menunggu bila keputusan doktor pakar untuk mengatakan sudah tiba waktu dia untuk beredar dari hospital. Orangnya sopan santun. Warganegara Myanmar, tapi sudah fasih berbahasa melayu dek sudah lama berada di sini. Setiap pagi, wajahnya akan sentiasa memaparkan senyuman dan bertanyakan khabar ku. Walaupun, hakikatnya kesakitan yang dialaminya Allah sahaja yang tahu betapa perit yang terpaksa ditanggung, namun dia tidak pernah merungut.


Setiap beberapa hari 'branula" nya terpaksa ditukar dan darah terpaksa diambil. Dia masih senyum. namun dari riak wajahnya, terpancar kesakitan yang ditanggungnya. Terlihat pada lengannya beberapa tanda-tanda merah seperti diukir dengan dakwat.


Aku menoleh ke arahnya.

" Pakcik, tanda-tanda merah ni kenapa ye ?"


" Oh, ni disebabkan agama pakcik. Untuk sembahyang" Dia menjawab ringkas.


" Boleh saya tanya, pakcik menganut agama apa?"


"Saya menganut agama buddha. "


Perbualan terhenti setakat situ saja. Tatkala itu, tidak timbul idea untuk bertanya dengan lebih lanjut. Cuma terdetik di hati, alangkah bahagianya sekiranya dia mendapat hidayah.


Setiap hari pakcik itu menampakkan senyumannya di samping tangannya akan melambai ke arah aku. Di hadapannya pakcik yang menghidap ' chronic obstructive pulmonary disease' juga menghadiahkan sekuntum senyuman. Kurang rasa tekanan bila melihat pesakit-pesakit yang begitu sabar sekali.


Hari ini doktor pakar telah memutuskan bahawa pakcik tu sudah pun sihat dan boleh pulang kembali ke rumah. Aku gembira bagi pihaknya. Akan tetapi...sedih apabila mengenangkan bahawa aku belum lagi sempat untuk berkongsi tentang betapa indahnya agama islam.


Sebelum dia berangkat kembali, aku melawatnya..mukanya kegirangan menantikan saat untuk pulang. Mulutnya tidak putus-putus berterima kasih terhadap aku, walhal tiada apa pun yang telah ku lakukan terhadapnya.


Namun, lidahku kelu..aku tidak tahu bagaimanakah untuk memulakan diskusi ini. Aku hanya mampu menerangkan tentang kondisi penyakitnya dan keperluannya untuk menghabiskan antibiotic sewaktu di rumah kelak.


Akhirnya...aku meninggalkan pakcik itu begitu sahaja..Hajat ku tidak kesampaian...


Ya Allah, berikanlah kekuatan pada Hamba Mu yang lemah ini..


Tuesday, September 1, 2009

Antara 2 cinta



Apa yang ada jarang disyukuri

Apa yang tiada sering dirisaukan

Nikmat yang dikecap barukan terasa

Bila hilang di dalam genggaman


Apa yang diburu timbul rasa jemu

Bila sudah di dalam genggaman

Dunia ibarat air laut

Diminum hanya menambah haus

Nafsu bagaikan fatamorgana

Indah di mata namun tiada

Panas yang membahang disangka air

Dunia dan nafsu bagai bayang-bayang

Dilihat ada ditangkap hilang


Tuhan leraikanlah dunia

Yang mendiam di dalam hatiku

Kerana di situ tidak ku mampu

Mengumpul dua cinta

Hanya cinta-Mu Ku harap tumbuh


Antara 2 cinta --> dari album Nazrey Johari/raihan

The path less traveled




Lo and behold, it is already into the 2nd week of ramadhan. I do not know how my state of being is during this holy month. Much thought is pondering on the hospital and the stress involved, that lastly i am drowned by the subdued feeling of neverending torment of hospital life.

I miss the ramadhan days spent during the university years. There were plenty of tadarus, tadabbur and tazkirah. There was not any agonizing whether the tarawih is able to be performed or not.

Now, things have changed. A LOT ..the usual group that we used to hang out with, eat with, solat with...they have gone to their own direction.

Life has not been as easy as it has been.

the working life is certainly different from the protected and sheltered university life.

Now, there are questions of work and the responsibility it involves..and other aspects of life...such as house, car and of course the issue of marriage.

Those are important aspects that did not arise during which we were busy studying. Yet, those issues will become such important aspect in life and will somehow or other determine the course of life that one will take.

Then again, there will also be much discussions with parents. Previously, they just encourage you to study and leave all other matters to them..but now, it's different.

The university life was a sort of an utopian world. There were the protective lecturers, the best friends, and the supportive parents. The goal was to reach for the high grades. In medical student days, whereby we were cast off in the jungle with not so much of distraction, there wasn't much obstacles to surpass.

The usual week would include the endless lectures and studying. The weekly usrah with the beloved naqibah..the tazkirah, and such. The ultimate challenge was the end of posting exams..and not to forget the weekly case presentations...which would get us churning with fear.

But once you have graduated from the university life, you would embark on a journey which you are not familiar. With people you are not so accustomed with...on a path you do not recognize.

What more when you finally get to have your own income...and you realize that this is your own money...

With that comes more challenges...the shoppings, the eating outs..and the realization that you have much more responsibility now with the money, it is not really for you...you have your family, the relatives..and the people around you who are also in need of others...
And you realize that it is quite easy to be thrown into the whirlwind, and follow the crowd. The dreams that you once had, sometimes do not quite match the likings of others..

Ya Allah , do not stray us from the right path..Show us the path of those You Redha..the path of the syahid...the path of the Rasul ....

Amin...